AHHH!

This is sooo HARD!!!

Lord, Please help me do this! I want to be more gracious and let things slide more. WHY CAN'T I??? Please help me. I love my husband and I know he is not a jerk but why can't I let things go sometimes? I feel that I am not heard by him. But I have felt this from the beginning. I just wish that he would learn to talk to me in a more loving way. There's my issue though and I know it, I'm focused on him changing. I can only control myself. I can't always share how I think he should change. What mostly comes out is pain which comes out as anger. I get hurt easily and my natural instinct is to fight. I so desire to be able to stop and process what I am triggered by instead of quickly reacting. I have been working on this for 3 years now. Why can;t I get it!???? I sometimes feel like I get it yet other times I feel like I'm right back to the beginning.

Also I wish Joel would just understand why I do this, but he is hurt by all of this and that makes it hard for him to be sympathetic to me. He is so hurt sometimes that I feel that I have just done enough, I ruined everything.

So I just need to focus on myself. How can I change, what can I do to treat Joel better? How can I let go of my feelings for the sake of lifting him up as a person instead of sharing my feelings of hurt which just makes him feel like he can never do anything right. AHHHH! Such a mess.

Help me Lord! It's only with you that I can do this.

Thank you!