Ok I have a lot to fill you in on and because I am able to fill you in now frees me up so much more to be even more open.
Ok so you already knew my desire was to get better at serving my husband (my family). I have been trying for so long to figure out how to do that best with a full time job which was in a different ministry from my husbands. I knew that If God has me in that position that he would help me through it or make it clear to me that I had to leave my position at work. Part of my struggle was what brought about this blog. I wanted to be honest and share with you my feelings, thoughts, successes and failures while trying to allow God to use me in Joel's life as his wife.
Well three weeks ago I was asked to resign at the ministry I had been devoting my life to for four years. It did hurt a bit yes, but I can say confidently that I know it was of God. I had been feeling unsettled there for a while now and I just didn't know when the right time to leave was. Finances came into the picture and we had thought that if by next December if I still felt that God was leading me elsewhere, that I would leave then and we would have enough savings to help us out if I didn't find a job after that. Well this definitely happened quicker than we expected and planned. :) It taught us a lot about planning our lives that far in advance... ultimately God has the last say in what happens. He knew when the right time to get out was.
I didn't do anything horrible for them to ask me to resign. They saw that my gifts were not being used as much as they were before, prior to the changes in my job description and I was weak in areas they needed me to be stronger. The job just didn't fit any more and what first drew my heart there was no longer what we did any more. It was hard and not just hard but I knew God wanted to use me else where, but I just didn't know how to leave, the first place of ministry that God called me to. Bitter sweet exit to say the least.
So what have I been up to since then? Well I definitely haven't been buying things from over seas like I was supposed to according to this months challenge. Well, I think the lessons learned this month are above and beyond what proverbs had for me. From day one Joel has been so supportive. I resigned on a Thursday and sadly he had to go away to camp with students that weekend. Bummer right? Well, he told me to go spend time with his mom, so I did. It was great. She really spoiled me with food! :) It was great company to have during what could have been a very depressing time for me.
The feelings of hurt, disappointment, guilt, failure, etc were in a whirlwind in my mind and I was able to process some of it with my mom in law. :) I updated my resume that weekend and filled out most of an app to be a substitute teacher. Blah blah blah.... let me get to the good stuff though. The lessons and the God stuff.
It just so happened that for Christmas I got this great book from my associate pastor. "Practicing His Presence" Its pieces of literature by Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach put into a book. They start out with journal entries from Frank about his decision and journey in having God be on his mind every minute of his day and to be lead by his hand every step of the way. This was freeing for me to read because this is what I have been desiring for so long now. My gifts were not being used and I felt as though this was a new start. I am excited to see where God is going to lead me next and I know it doesn't have to be a big ministry again. It just needs to be me being lead into situations God wants me to be in.
During this time I am also trying to figure out a schedule for myself in keeping up with house stuff and now that I have more time I am trying to make sure there is more food prepared for Joel and I. One thing I am noticing about myself though is that I want to do this stuff and get some done so then I can feel good and then I can spend time with God, but um no it should be the other way around. If I start out my day with God training my mind to meditate on Him and feel "good" that way, then I won't be relying on the petty stuff to give me value. :) So that has been my goal to start each day reading alittle bit from the book then to journal a bit and then go on to things I want/need to get done.
Well I think I did enough writing now. But trust me I will be writing more as God shows me new opportunities every day.
Thank you,
God Bless!
Ok so you already knew my desire was to get better at serving my husband (my family). I have been trying for so long to figure out how to do that best with a full time job which was in a different ministry from my husbands. I knew that If God has me in that position that he would help me through it or make it clear to me that I had to leave my position at work. Part of my struggle was what brought about this blog. I wanted to be honest and share with you my feelings, thoughts, successes and failures while trying to allow God to use me in Joel's life as his wife.
Well three weeks ago I was asked to resign at the ministry I had been devoting my life to for four years. It did hurt a bit yes, but I can say confidently that I know it was of God. I had been feeling unsettled there for a while now and I just didn't know when the right time to leave was. Finances came into the picture and we had thought that if by next December if I still felt that God was leading me elsewhere, that I would leave then and we would have enough savings to help us out if I didn't find a job after that. Well this definitely happened quicker than we expected and planned. :) It taught us a lot about planning our lives that far in advance... ultimately God has the last say in what happens. He knew when the right time to get out was.
I didn't do anything horrible for them to ask me to resign. They saw that my gifts were not being used as much as they were before, prior to the changes in my job description and I was weak in areas they needed me to be stronger. The job just didn't fit any more and what first drew my heart there was no longer what we did any more. It was hard and not just hard but I knew God wanted to use me else where, but I just didn't know how to leave, the first place of ministry that God called me to. Bitter sweet exit to say the least.
So what have I been up to since then? Well I definitely haven't been buying things from over seas like I was supposed to according to this months challenge. Well, I think the lessons learned this month are above and beyond what proverbs had for me. From day one Joel has been so supportive. I resigned on a Thursday and sadly he had to go away to camp with students that weekend. Bummer right? Well, he told me to go spend time with his mom, so I did. It was great. She really spoiled me with food! :) It was great company to have during what could have been a very depressing time for me.
The feelings of hurt, disappointment, guilt, failure, etc were in a whirlwind in my mind and I was able to process some of it with my mom in law. :) I updated my resume that weekend and filled out most of an app to be a substitute teacher. Blah blah blah.... let me get to the good stuff though. The lessons and the God stuff.
It just so happened that for Christmas I got this great book from my associate pastor. "Practicing His Presence" Its pieces of literature by Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach put into a book. They start out with journal entries from Frank about his decision and journey in having God be on his mind every minute of his day and to be lead by his hand every step of the way. This was freeing for me to read because this is what I have been desiring for so long now. My gifts were not being used and I felt as though this was a new start. I am excited to see where God is going to lead me next and I know it doesn't have to be a big ministry again. It just needs to be me being lead into situations God wants me to be in.
During this time I am also trying to figure out a schedule for myself in keeping up with house stuff and now that I have more time I am trying to make sure there is more food prepared for Joel and I. One thing I am noticing about myself though is that I want to do this stuff and get some done so then I can feel good and then I can spend time with God, but um no it should be the other way around. If I start out my day with God training my mind to meditate on Him and feel "good" that way, then I won't be relying on the petty stuff to give me value. :) So that has been my goal to start each day reading alittle bit from the book then to journal a bit and then go on to things I want/need to get done.
Well I think I did enough writing now. But trust me I will be writing more as God shows me new opportunities every day.
Thank you,
God Bless!
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